Monday, September 1, 2008

Finally: A Biking Post!

WARNING: Racy Content!
This post is dedicated to all you Lit riders back home.

Many of you have been waiting a long, long time for a BRAMPA biking post and I'm am pleased to finally supply one! And what this post lacks in actual biking, it makes up with provocative themes!

Last week I found myself downtown trying to buy a phone for our new house in Mission Bay. The main drag downtown is Queen Street, and while it is always a busy street I felt it was busier than usual.

Or perhaps this is just the usual lunch time rush?

But wait - people are lining up. clearly anticipating something.

And now the police are here! And more and more people keep coming! It's a parade, no doubt! What fun!

I ask the happy fellow next to me about what is happening, and find out that today is "Boobs on Bikes!" (Read more about this strange phenomenon and its controversy here, here and here.) As a feminist, midwife, women's health advocate and woman I am amazed at my luck! I call B to taunt him for missing it.

The crowd is getting very excited now. At 100,000 strong, my fellow Aucklanders and I have taken over the whole street. Will it become a Boob riot? I'm a little surprised at how involved I am in this adventure as I, 1- have my own breasts and 2- am exposed to breasts daily at work. Then it becomes clear that something is happening just ahead:

Oh, just the protesters! Nary a breast in sight! Disappointed (no Boobs, no Bikes. Boohoo!), and a little shamed, I continue on my phone quest. After all, if I had to choose I would be behind the banner and not on the back of a bike with boobs bared. Still, there is something about a parade... (or maybe it is just all the pheromones in the air?)

I'm ten blocks away when B calls me from the top of Queen street where he and his colleagues have come to see the spectacle. There are Boobs after all! Hooray! He taunts me for missing it.

I ran 10 blocks uphill (me!) elbowing my way through the crowds to get you the following breathtaking photos of 2008's Boobs on Bikes, Auckland edition (Personal Aside for la Hamburglar: I hear rumors of a Wellington edition...):

But first let's talk for a moment about the weather in Auckland in Winter, and what constitutes appropriate apparel. Average daily highs are in the low 50's. It is frequently windy and rainy (both separately and together). While some of the bystanders, below, are baring a limb or two, most are sensibly dressed in pants and jackets as it is COLD today.

Just look at all those men with cameras! Clearly something exciting is happening to Camera Left! Let the Boobs begin:

I'm not sure why they are riding on a tank, actually.

These hot babes were my favorite! and they have such nice breasts! But where are the Bikes?

There they are! Granted, these are not the "right" kind of bikes, but surely it will inspire some back home to make the necessary corrections for the SLC edition of Boobs on Bikes.

I am always baffled by the common combination of older, heavier, hairier, over-dressed biker man with younger, lighter, under-dressed woman on the back. Clearly he is unnecessary to this parade and is even impeding visualization of the Boobs. Perhaps riding a motorbike while showing your breasts to one hundred thousand people is asking too much though. Maybe these women could face backwards?

I see it is also possible to have older, heavier, over-dressed biker man with a younger, lighter, under-dressed man on the back, though I think this is a less popular combination. The crowd doesn't seem too interested, but I got several pleasing shots of these boobs.

Let me just reiterate: it is cold here. This woman was covered in goosebumps. Her mate was covered in oil. I know this because I was Front Row. Sometimes it pays to be a tall, pushy, American broad. I admire the dedication of these women in showing it all (and shaking it too!) on a cold winter day in Auckland. Can't wait to see what the summer parades are like!

And the finale! How fitting! I'm proud to see the American spirit so eloquently represented!

Stay tuned for Life of a Midwife, NZ Style (not just another boob story)!


Adrianne said...

LOL! oh my i almost fell out of my chair laughing- yes the story was funny and imaginingyou in your "soft" voice telling it- made me laugh right out loud. miss you lots- would love to hear about work! post soon! love you!

C & S said...

Awesome!! I have to tell you that no, I'm not a bow-er, but sometimes you have to just do what your mother-in-law suggests to keep the peace:)

Sandie said...

That is so funny! The title alone had me laughing. Can't wait to hear midwife stories.

corinne said...

What adventures you have...can you imagine that in the streets of SLC?

Marlene said...

This was a riot to read! What an experience! I can imagine this in Tucson on 4th Ave. complete with more than enough law enforcement! Great story, Amy!